OLD PEOPLE! UUGH!! if I have to take someone’s address/cc# over the phone to order things they could order online one more time and then he wants me to do that shitty thing where you have it all black and white except for a POP OF COLOR fuck everything about that reminds me of schindler’s list
Can’t believe how much dogs like food They will be on the bed or couch relaxed and you walk by and they get up and run after you just like thinking about maybe getting food
Pull on your boots every morning, boots and the shirt and you slept in One foot left on the step ladder and your body balanced over the top of the coop on an egg hunt They would run right to you but never really trusted you One time red saw her egg in your hand and she flew up to you and you felt real bad One time you were looking at her face and she was looking at your face and she bit your...
Lemme tell you a little somethin about microwave power level six
My backyard is suddenly infested with tiny bugs that might be mites or something so I’m just gonna hide under the covers for a couple days
People are always like “she was singing/dancing/painting since she was in diapers” and no shit, every baby does those things
siamese dream kind a day
I haven’t sent a dirty pic to anyone in so long feels bad man
Just got spam mail from Klondike Pete
Not gonna buy anything until it’s made out of graphene or is 3d printed the future is now
come home smoke weed listen to schoolboy q feel me up while we’re watching tv
Ok so I did think about how weird it is that these big ol eggs come out of these little chickens but I didn’t know they make horrible terrible painful sounds doing it for about 3 hrs
Being poor is the pits.
"Isn't it boring being on an all vegetable diet?"
veganprobs: you tell me
Dangerous when unsupervised
Dreamgasm +1 Dreamgasm where you have a penis +2
actually not gonna lie big pimpin is a great song
Now using tumblr to chronicle my lifelong battle with bad songs Gonna kill myself one day after crunching the numbers and my suicide note will be like “I had big pimpin in my head for 246 days of my adult life” and people will be like “omg i had no idea she was suffering like this”
I’m mostly into portraiture = I’m mostly into selfies on instagram
not for nothin never happen i be forever mackin
baby girl u and me need to go to ur teepee
jesus is just alright with me i mean he’s okay I guess
How do you tell people please stop asking me for favors
“Mitten, you look like a halfing fighter someone made for a “roll 3d6 and whatever scores you get you have to keep” larf one shot game and the person’s highest score was a 14 strength that he decided to negate by picking a race that would give him -2 strength but it ended up being a great session and what was going to be a one shot made with the intention of the party...
thinking about industrial farming and all the poop involved each of my chickens poops their body weight every day
bf in the living room ya know, just bein a lawyer
oprah said beyonce is “where art meets god”
note to self: tell t about that cool idea you had when he wakes up
Never date a girl with words on her wall esp if its laugh that’s the worst one also dream
“Get in my car and jerk me off” - my dad’s impression of every rap/pop song